Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Randomize
