I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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