A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
