I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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