I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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