i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
