She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
