He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
