I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
