Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
