i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
