Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wear drunk well.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
