so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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