just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
