I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
In America we eat man semen.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
