my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
