Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
