yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
