Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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