Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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