I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
