I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
