I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
