Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
