I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
