Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
