I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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