took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
