He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
