is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
love makes seman taste better
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
