My boss' voice literally gives me gas
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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