4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
