I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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