I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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