She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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