I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
