i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
