Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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