dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
