Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
