I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think a kid would responsible me up
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
