every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
