Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
