Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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