i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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