i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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