He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
