508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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