There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
