So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My dick has a subreddit
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
