I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
