when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
