I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
