he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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