Quick, to the slutcave!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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