Sry I called you an 8
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He passed out mid-signature
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
