so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
