i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
