It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
