hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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